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Lavender Brown

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[04 Apr 2006|07:55pm]
I was cleaning and I found my diary. It's strange, but I'd almost forgotten about this. Looking back, the last time I wrote anything in here, we'd only just found out about the baby. Bump, as Charlie likes to call it, will probably be with us in a couple of weeks, so that seems like such a long time ago.

Right now, I'm sitting in the nursery in the rocking chair that my parents gave us. I want to use this chair when I'm nursing the baby, but it's surprisingly comfortable, so I think it might get used for general cuddling, too. Now that I'm thinking of chairs and cuddling, I can't wait to curl up with Charlie in our armchair again. We can't really manage that at the moment, considering how big I am, and even if we could, I'd probably just end up squashing his legs!

For the last two weeks I've been on bed rest because the baby wanted to come a bit early, but my mediwitch told me yesterday that I can move around more, although I should still take it easy. My official due date is during the first week of May, but she thinks it'll be more like two weeks. I'm terrified and nervous all at once. Strangely, there's a part of me that really enjoys being pregnant, feeling the baby moving inside me and all that.

Now that I can walk around and left the flat, I'm on something of a cleaning streak. I've been cleaning and tidying all morning and in a minute I'm going to set up some of my old crystals to cleanse the nursery. It's been ages since I've done anything like that, but I've got the sudden urge to do it. I think Charlie's humouring all my whims at the moment, so I don't think he'll say anything.
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[06 Jan 2006|09:29pm]
Dear Diary,

We're having a baby. Really, really having one this time. I was just looking back on one of my old journal entries and I remember how scared I was then. It feels different now, though, and I don't know why. Could I really have changed that much in a few months? Apparently so.

I'm terribly excited, apart from the fact that I've got terrible morning sickness. Actually, it tends to strike at any time of the day. I can't stand to be around raw meat or anything at the moment, so Charlie's doing most of the cooking. Mainly, I just want to eat sweet stuff, though, especially toast covered in honey. Oh. I shouldn't have written that; I'm starting to get hungry.

Charlie and I told our parents at lunch the other day. They seem happy about the baby, but our mums aren't too pleased about us not getting married before the baby comes. I am being horribly vain by not wanting to go down the aisle with a huge belly and not being able to wear a pretty dress or nice shoes because I've got swollen ankles and a bad back? Well, yes, probably. But it's still my choice. If we're having a child, we might as well involve him or her in it.

I think it'll be a boy. They tend to run in Charlie's family, after all. I'm still going to think of girls names, though, just to be on the safe side. Charlie told me he would have asked Ginny to be the godmother, so I might suggest the baby has her name as a middle name. Only if it's a girl, obviously. Which I doubt it will be.

Arthur bought the old family cot around earlier and its simply beautiful. I love it. When the nursery is decorated, it will look absolutely perfect and I got a bit teary imagining our baby in it. It's a good job that Charlie was at the reserve because I think I would have started crying if he'd been there. Arthur gave me a bit of a hug and told me he'd bring round the baby clothes Molly had sorted out some other time. Apparently, she's already started knitting. He's going to make a great grandad.

I'm not sure how I'm going to tell other people. Charlie said we should just let them find out, though I think we really need to tell his brothers. I might get Charlie to write them an owl so that we can tell them first instead of Molly. I want to tell Fleur and Cho, too - I might see if they want to go shopping and tell them then, because I'm already starting to grow out of my clothes.

Merlin, I think I'm starting to get teary now just thinking about this all. I hope I'm not getting all emotional and mood swingy on top of everything else.

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[13 Nov 2005|01:45pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

I don’t know where to start. I think I’m still shaking. Merlin. This really is real.

I’m still all of a dizzy. For a while now, I’ve had a feeling that this would happen, but I never pictured it happening like it did. Now that I think back on it, he didn’t even ask me properly. But I just knew. If anything, that just proves to me that we fit. That this is right.

Lavender Weasley. That’s still going round in my head and I don’t think I’ve said it aloud yet. It hasn’t quite sunk in yet, but it will.

I’ve never felt like this before. I hope Charlie knows just how much I love him. He should: I’ve just agreed to marry him.

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[05 Sep 2005|10:20pm]
Not pregnant. Thank goodness.

Not sure sex is the best way to celebrate that, but that's hardly going to stop us.
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[01 Sep 2005|01:19pm]
I feel like I've barely slept. I don't think I have much, anyway. This is all so confusing, and I don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling now. Should I be feeling this emotionally drained? Should I be feeling guilty for wishing that I could could just bury my head under the pillow and not have to worry about this. For the first time, I feel as though I can't talk to Charlie. That I can't tell him how scared I am. I hate this feeling.

A baby! I want children, I really do. That's one reason I joined the Hogwarts project - so that my children could go to Hogwarts. I never planned on meeting someone like Charlie. I never planned on falling in love and I definitely never planned on getting pregnant.

We'd just got everything sorted. Found the perfect place for us. Sorted out how we were going to afford it. Now this.

I've heard of contraceptive potions failing before, but that's always the sort of thing that happens to a friend of a friend or something that you read about in Witch Weekly.

Oh, god. I took the contraceptive potion only a few hours before I did the test. What if it fucked up the result? What if it didn't? Because doesn't the potion fool the body or something? What if I'm not pregnant? What if I am?

I think I need to take another test.

And talk to Charlie. Definitely talk to Charlie.
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[26 Aug 2005|01:35pm]
I feel sick. Queasy. Charlie and I are having dinner with my parents tonight and I think I need a good shag slap to calm me down. They're only my parents! I shouldn't be so nervous, but I am. What if they don't like Charlie? I don't think I could bear it if they don't like him.

Ideally, I would have a nice strong, sweet cup of tea for my nerves, but I've already broken a nail this morning, and I don't even want to think about what I might see in the tea leaves.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

It's going to be fine. Absolutely peachy. I have nothing to worry about.

Hopefully, if I keep thinking this way it'll be true.
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[26 Jun 2005|06:27pm]
[ mood | loved ]

I haven't written in here in a while. So much has happened since I last did, and I'm not entirely sure where to start.

Things went so very, very wrong with Charlie. One of the things I love about him is how he pushes me to my limits, but we pushed a bit too hard and fell out. I stayed in his room every night afterwards, even though we were barely communicating, hoping that one of us would start trying to fix it. I eventually snapped and we made up several times.

I haven't felt this happy in so long. I'm now completely moved in with him. I've never lived with a boyfriend before, and I know we're in a hotel, but it's still a little scary. Not as scary, however, as getting a tattoo. Because that's what we did. I haven't thought about getting one for years, not since I was at school, but then he said he was going to get one for me (a lioness - it's gorgeous) and I decided to get one for him. Next thing I knew, we were in Diagon Alley.

It hurt like hell and I think I nearly broke Charlie's hand. The strangest thing was, though, was that when I was in the chair and had one of my vision things. The last time I had one, it must have been before Christmas, and all I remember about it is a sense of loss. I think it was the day before I lost my shoes after getting pissed at a Christmas party. This one was happy and safe and it was Charlie. It happened again during sex and I don't think I've ever come so hard in my life. I tried to explain it to Charlie, but I can't even explain it to myself. He was a bit scared, I think, especially when I screamed. (Like he said, if his brother Bill didn't know about us before, he does now).

I know I'm not a Seer who's going to have famous prophecies. I knew that a long time ago, and these little snippets come nowhere near that sort of psychic level. Maybe I just have an overactive imagination. Whatever it is, it's why I continue with my divination - it makes me feel connected to something bigger.

Right now I don't think I can stop smiling; I have this amazing Chinese Fireball on my hip, it's only a couple of days until the Midsummer Ball and I'm living with the man I love. Does it get better than this?

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[06 Jun 2005|10:45pm]
Dear Diary,

Charlie and I talked, and we agreed (admitted?) that we wanted something more than a fling. It's like an actual relationship now. I'm a bit nervous about it all, but excited and happy at the same time. Is this what it's supposed to be like? I'm terrified about meeting his brothers, though. Pansy Parkinson had her hair cursed Weasley red after she slept with Fred - what if the twins try something on me? I like my hair the way it is, thank you very much.

I sent a letter to Parvati because I haven't spoken to her in ages, and it turns out that she's in Hogsmeade. I've invited her for a drink at the hotel bar one night, so hopefully we'll meet up. In her letter, she seemed to be quite interested in maybe joining the restoration project. That would be so amazing - I'd love to have her around more.


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[26 May 2005|09:59am]
Dear Diary,

This whole thing with Charlie has got my head spinning, but definitely in a good way. He's just so, well, I don't think I can write it. One day it's fast and desperate and then he surprised me by taking me to the Forbidden Forest. It was beautiful, and afterward we went back to his room and it was romantic and tender and then we talked and I think I'm falling for him. I mean, I keep getting these feelings which are so new to me and I don't know what to do. I think he might feel the same way, but it's so early in our relationship (is it too soon to call it that?).

When I woke up in the middle of the night, it was so comforting just to have him there. I watched him sleep for a long time before I finally drifted off again.

I feel like all I can think about at the moment is Charlie so I shall write about shopping instead. Yes, shopping. Went to Hogsmeade and met Fleur Delacour, who is also working on the restoration project. She's nicer than I thought she would be, and we went shoe shopping and then had lunch, so I think I have a new friend.

I found an invitation to a ball at Malfoy Manor. It sounds interesting I suppose and it's not like I don't have anything to wear. I might owl Draco Malfoy later and see what he makes of it.

Hogwarts is no longer out of bounds, so I'm heading down there in a minute.


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[11 May 2005|09:21pm]
Dear Diary,

I must say that I was rather relieved to get the owl from Draco Malfoy telling us to keep clear of Hogwarts until that thing is identified. I'm inclined to trust his judgement about this - his aura was terribly agitated when I was speaking to him in the bar. Anyway, it meant that I could spend the day in bed with Charlie.

I've snuck away while he's sleeping to get freshened up. Hopefully he won't notice I'm gone before I get back. I'm exhausted, but in a very good way. He certainly keeps his promises, that's for sure. I can't quite believe that I actually shagged him in the hotel bar. And the lift. He brings out this side of me that I didn't know I had, a reckless, adventurous side. It's a little bit scary. Good scary, not bad scary. It's like he makes me lose control - I've lost control before, but never in this way. It's exhilarating. Normally when I meet someone, the first thing I do is do a horoscope or tarot reading or something, but I don't have that urge with Charlie. I want to just let things happen. I don't even know when his birthday is.

I should get back. I don't want him to think that I've deserted him.


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[04 May 2005|09:42pm]
Dear Diary,

They found something at Hogwarts. A cauldron with something in it. It didn't feel good, whatever it was. Everyone was getting agitated by it, and I swear Charlie was about to hit Malfoy.

Speaking of Charlie, he hasn't tried to avoid me - he actually said he wanted to spend more time with me, which is a good thing. I was getting so wound up at seeing Hogwarts in such a state that just having him there actually calmed me down. This is ridiculous. I barely know him, and he's all I can think about. He must think I'm some silly little twit - he must be at least six or seven years older than me.

Anyway, about that thing at Hogwarts. I plan on avoiding it. I don't want to feel like that again. Meditating made no difference to my state of mind - I'm too tightly wound. I can think of one method of stress relief, but I don't think I can exactly go up to Charlie and ask him if he's up for a quick shag. I'm going to go and cleanse my aura again and then head down to the bar. A stiff drink may be beneficial.


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[01 May 2005|12:22pm]
Dear Diary,

I slept with Charlie Weasley. Oh, God. He probably thinks that I'm a slag who'll open her legs for anyone. I mean, I knew him for a couple of hours and then... sex. Great sex, granted, but it was still sex.

A few years ago, I had a bit of a reputation for having a lot of boyfriends, especially at school. What if Ron told him about me and he thought I was just an easy lay? He was really nice and I don't want to think that he was just using me for sex, but there's this incy-wincy little nagging doubt at the back of my mind.

He was practically charm personified - what if it was just to get me into bed? No. I shouldn't think like that. Okay, so he's well fit, but that doesn't mean that he's a womanising bastard.

I don't know what to do. I mean, his room is right down the corridor from mine, so I can hardly avoid him. Except I don't want to avoid him; he's smart and funny and he has a great body - is it too shallow to say that? It's not like anyone will read this, so I can say what I want.

Oh, bugger. I seem to remember there was a distinct lack of contraception. I should try and get a Morning After potion.



[09 Apr 2005|09:39pm]
Dear Diary,

I never knew that I had so many pairs of knickers. Although, knowing my current luck, it's not like anyone will ever see them.

I must remain positive; I am in room 609 and I nearly got lost on my way to the room. Hopefully, it will not happen again.

Although I do not know who the other helpers for the restoration projects are, I am starting to get rather excited about it.

What do you wear to restore a building? I am going to end up breaking my nails, I just know it. Maybe there will not be any heavy-lifting involved.


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[04 Apr 2005|10:16pm]
Dear Diary,

Once again, I find myself starting a new journal. I always used to get one from my grandmother for Christmas and I'd write in it every day for the first month or so, and then it would just start collecting dust. I have quite the collection of barely-started diaries. Then, when she died I stopped getting the diaries and this is the first one I've had since then.

I think this is the right time to start keeping one again. The war is definitely over and now it's time for a fresh start. A new leaf. I feel like I've been spinning in circles for such a long time that I need to get my feet back firmly on the ground.

I've been invited to help start rebuilding Hogwarts. I'm not sure why. Perhaps my eye for fashion colour is valued. Or perhaps they couldn't get anyone else. Anyway, it'll give me time to do my job and I want to help with the rebuild any way I can. I got so much out of that school, I want to give something back.

Also, I'm thinking that pastel colours would be good for the common rooms.


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